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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Monday, December 31, 2001
Merry Christmas world, and I hope this coming New Year doesn't do shit for you... Just keep your expectations low and I'm sure you'll meet them.
I almost cheated on Heather...I didn't though luckly... She's still in Vegas at her sisters
I mean if it is going to happen then it's going to happen Deal with it when it comes. If it comes...
O well. GOd Bless everyone... DC sucks.
4:54 PM
Friday, December 21, 2001
I met a fellow Virginian... SHe pretty cool... Check out her site at crystalshiloh.com. Not much of a site but provides a cool background into someelses' life...
10:16 PM
Well I talked to Brit on the phone and it was very weird... Uncomfortable.. I got a email from her asking if I was a Christian... SHe had a dream about me last night that worried her..... I think subconcisiecely she wants to draw closer but is afraid to of me and my shit....
9:25 PM
Well everyone here at D&P is leaving early today... They are wishing me Merry Christmas, and happy Holiday.... What i would give for a Happy Holidays... What I would give to feel fufilled.. For one minute... That One minute would last me for a long time... I think I'm lonely....
1:17 PM
last Night after a mid day of quasi thought/depression. I went home and watched some TV and had a left over corona. I've never drank beer before Britney. And now even though I still see it as pointless to allow myself to drink something "in order to have a good time" for no apparent reason... Yet I'm not turned off by it... Anyway. I went home had a beer and was invited upstairs by the other people in the house that rent rooms. I heard stories of my landlord sleeping on the public couch in his underwear and what not.... I also found out that almost all the foreign students that occupy the house will be moving... These student go to Georgetown University and I think are awesome... I had 3 Rolling rocks??? what ever they are and ate crapes.... I like the kind with just butter and sugar... Anyway, deep inside I felt fulfilled. No I don't mean because of the beer, but from the closeness, (me being a perfect stranger) strangers can share.... They knew me from a room I rent below them and yet we shared beer and crapes.. Butter crapes at that... I wish I was in college... Not college to get a degree, but college to meet people... Not women but the kind of people you have over from out of town when they visit and you tell your friends, I can't do something tonight because I have a old college buddy from out of town and we go way back...
Man o man, that would be the life.....
8:53 AM
Thursday, December 20, 2001
It's Thursday here in Arlington Virginia. Being the techie that I try to be, I'm ask my desk while the holiday ho-ra is happening. My life has been good. How could I complain?? I see staring Afganiees, looking for a end of a war. Palasteins wanting truth between their leader Arafat and the country of Israel.... Yet somehow sitting here at my computer doesn't feel worth while....
My friend Britney, gave me a book for Christmas... She says "Don't read too much into it..." for fear of suicide. I read a little last night after she came over to my ghetto room a few blocks from my house and we watched some cartoons, had some Coronas and some chips. It was weird because I feel so drawn to here warmth, yet I'm afraid to go closer because going closer would mean allowing us to hurt each other...
It's right outside that comfort level of friends but so much deeper. Thinking of the situation between us causes my brain to hurt and my soul to cry due to the depth of my mistakes.... Mistakes you can't take back, just don't do a again....
Heather is on her way to Las Vegas with her family... Her and I had it out on Monday when I had a business meeting when her mother, her, and I drove to. They dropped me off in Virginia Beach and went to take our dog to the no-kill pound and change her car tire.... I wish I could tell Britney that Heather and I are on the rocks but I would hurt her again.. I think it would be like the final blow in a fucked up friendship... Is it still a friendship if one of the "friends" knows he's lying??? Or is it more normal and still is a friendship because people lye to each other all the time?
Heather doesn't love me.. I can so feel it.. I see it her eyes and I feel the wall of bitterness breing in my heart and in my throat the lump clasping for air... Life would be so easy with Brit... She make me content.. Heather makes me work... She's going to Vegas with her family to see them all.. I'm in Arlington Alone... Brit invited me over to be with her family... I think and know it's just pity... I'm hoping to do some kind of shelter work to clear my mind... To see where I could be...
12:44 PM
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